Marriage Myth #3

In my sermon series "Marriage Myths Busted" we completed marriage myth #3 this past Sunday. Marriage Myth #3 was "Sometimes Married People Just Grow Apart." The truth is, married people often do drift emotionally apart but there is no mystical force that just separates them. "Growing apart" happens when couples fail to do the work of relationships. We discussed how the honeymoon phase of a marriage ends when couples begin to have to work together to solve the inevitable problems that arise. Couples that do not develop an effective strategy to accomplish the three primary tasks of marital relationships are going to struggle with negative emotional energy that tends to smother the positive emotion that we desire in our marriages. The three primary tasks were compared to three common household chores to enable us to remember. They are as follows.

1. Focusing on God and Spouse Rather than on Self. - We likened this to Folding the Laundry. When you fold laundry, you often fold more clothes for others than you do for yourself. Marriage is an entity designed by God to help us to shed all selfishness and look to God and others before self. Find out what your spouse's needs are and seek to meet them regardless of whether or not they reciprocate.
2. Develop an Effective Strategy for Problem Solving. - This is like Taking Out the Garbage. If we don't take out the garbage regularly, it will pile up and stink. Likewise, we need to clear the problems from our relationships. Resolving conflicts, collaborative problem solving and leading with faith are important for this task. Also must be careful about power imbalances. Both members of the couple should feel comfortable giving their input to the solution.
3. Continual Effort to Build Intimacy. We called this one "Making the Bed." The bed should be made every day if we want the room to be presentable. Both husband and wife should be working daily to interject fun and togetherness in the relationship. Taking walks together, going on dates, playing games, little love notes and surprise gifts mean just as much to every marriage as what goes on in the bedroom.

As couples attend to the work of their relationship they grow through the working phase to realize a marriage that is a real partnership. It is a comfortable place where each supports the other and love continues to age and add real quality to the marriage. It is what God created to be that sense of "one flesh" that he spoke of in Genesis. When we do the work in our relationships we reap the rewards as God desired it to be from the beginning.

Be watching next week for Marriage Myth #4