Marriage Myth #5

Our final marriage myth was "If it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce." We discussed how marriage is considered from the beginning to be a covenant that is for life. God said upon creating marriage that it was him who joins and "what God has joined, man should not separate." But from early on it seems man's heart was hard and people were determined to seek what they wanted over what God wanted. Moses allowed them to divorce and set boundaries for divorce because people were going to do it anyway.

Malachi a post exhilic prophet reminded an errant Israel that "God hates divorce." (Mal. 2:12) In Jesus' day, there was a raging debate surrounding divorce. There were two schools of thought. One was a more liberal interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 where the law aknowleges that a man could divorce his wife by giving her a certificate of divorce if he finds "anything displeasing about her." According to this school, "anything displeasing" means anything. If you don't like her cooking or her personality or her housecleaning skills those could all be legitimate reasons to send her packing.

The more conservative school interpreted "anything displeasing about her" to mean something sexually displeasing or that she wasn't a virgin or had experimented sexually with someone else. The only reason for divorce in this paradigm was adultery or fornication. When Jesus is asked for his opinion (Mark 10:1-12, Matthew 19:1-9) he takes the side of this more conservative interpretation. That is why he says that anyone who divorces his wife except for the reason of adultery commits adultery and causes his wife to do the same.

There are some gray areas in the theological discussion of marriage-divorce-remarriage but one thing is crystal clear, God wants married people to stay married. With the very institution of marriage being threatened these days, it is not surprising that even some Christian marriages are nearing the point where divorce feels like the only option. The Bible teaches that someone who feels that way should reconsider. They should stop and think, "Is this about what I want or what God wants?" God sees that they are not happy but he also makes it clear that he wants us to seek obedience before happiness. When we blindly obey even when making that choice puts our happiness at risk, God will show us how to claim happiness from obedience.

If you or someone you know is in a situation where your marriage is struggling it is so important that you submit to obedience and stay. Then it is important that you get the help you need. Find a competent Christian counselor to help you walk this path and watch what God will do as you choose his will over your own.

I feel the need to add two disclaimers so that I am not misunderstood.
1. I write this to encourage the married to stay married. I do not intend this as an indictment on those who have made the painful choice to divorce in the past. I neither judge nor question your decision and encourage you to seek God's forgiveness if you were in the wrong and then move forward into a life centered on pleasing him. Divorce is not a death sentence.

2. If you are someone who is living with someone who is abusive to you then my recommendation is to get out of that situation. Abusive individuals trap those closest to them in a cycle of violence and repentance to manipulate them to do what the abuser wants them to do. The only way to break that is to leave. If that is your situation, please get safe and then get help.