Watch What You Say!

"Better to say nothing and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." (Author unknown)

Yesterday as I was studying for a class I ran across a Proverb that I had not read in a while but it strikes me as one well worth remembering. It is Proverbs 10:19 and says:
"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." (NIV)
My aunt Zelma was 100 years old when she died. She used to be known for her rather sharp tongue at times. I remember after a stinging comment hearing her say, "Now I'm sorry if that hurt but I just say what I think. That's just the way I am." I loved my aunt and want you to know that she had many endearing qualities as well but I think what her reckless words often earned her was loneliness.
Many of us remember our mothers telling us, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." That could be a very loose translation of this passage. Solomon wrote these proverbs down largely for the benefit of his sons. He tells them here and several other places in this book to think before they speak. Solomon doesn't give bad advice.
How many times would we have been spared embarrassment, hurt feelings and inconvenience if we had only heeded what Solomon says here? Below are some good tips for how to "hold our tongues".
1. Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know". When asked for advice or guidance we sometimes feel we will be perceived as smarter when we answer immediately only to find that we are really perceived as smarter when we answer accurately. When we speak quickly and inaccurately we are perceived not only as less than smart but also as unreliable.
2. When angry, the fewer words the better. Nearly everyone has spoken words in anger that they wish they could have back. Tragically a large portion of those words spoken in anger have been directed towards those we love the most (Mom, Dad, husband, wife, son or daugher, etc...). When emotion starts to enter a difficult situation for most of us it is time to be quiet. Move away from the situation if at all possible. Process the situation with thought after a period of cooling off and then consider the impact of the words you choose. Determine what you are trying to achieve with your words and construct your response accordingly. For the most part our goals will be to resolve a conflict, to express feelings in a way they can be understood, or to add meaningful content to an important discussion. When we allow anger to dictate our words our results are often to hurt feelings, escalate emotion in a discussion and move the perception of our comments to the realms of extreme and insignificant.
3. Remember Whose You Are. I say this to my kids from time to time before they go to school. My intent is to remind them that their words and deeds represent their God, their family and their church. No matter who we are or what position we occupy in life, our words will have an impact on someone. If the words we choose are hurtful, condescending or gossip the reflection is not a good one. If our humor or language is vulgur or impure the contrast between who we are and who we profess to be could not be more clear.
In all you say, speak as if the Lord were right beside you because in reality he is. He is there and he expects all of us to represent him with holiness and distinction.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (Colossians 4:6, NIV)